Fries with Gravy

1. How long have you been a Mom?
The oldest turned 8 in October

2. How many children call you Mommy/Mom/Mama?
Technically, 3.  My nephew calls me "Momma, Momma" and then gets a good look at me and corrects himself to, "Deena, Deena"

3. Girl? Boy? Both?
Boy, Girl, Girl

4. Did you know what you were having?
Yes, I'm impatient and curious and had to know how to decorate.  Classic Pooh for the boy (how I loved the idea of English Christopher Robin) and some pink and green Waverly coordinates for the girls.  

5. How old were you when you became a Mom?:
24

6. How long were you in labor?

After a seemingly sucky pregnancy with toxemia and a month of bedrest, I was (finally!) induced at 7am for Seth and he was born at 3:16pm.  It was easy and I pushed for exactly 15 minutes. Claire and Grace were born by c-section, 9 weeks early.  No labor, but more worry and pain than should ever be considered natural.  Awful pregnancies, easy births.

7. What’s your favorite thing about being a mom?

"Because I said so! bwahahahaha!"  I'm also pretty fond of making pigtails.

8. What’s your least favorite thing?
Company in the bathroom.  ahem.

9. Do you want more kids?
Nope.  I think one day when they are all teenaged and surly, I'll want to adopt one.  But then I might just want a Winnebago and some time to hold an actual conversation with my husband.  It depends.

10. Do you plan on having more soon?
That is so not in the plans. 

11. Does daddy change diapers?

Of course he did.  Otherwise, terrible, terrible things.

12. How many times have you been peed on?
At least a few. 

13. Barfed on?
Claire was on reflux meds from minute one.  Enough said.

14. Is your child named after anyone?
Claire's middle name is Kathryn after Doug's mom.  Grace's first name is Sarah after my mom.  Seth is lucky he has a name besides "Baby Boy"  because it was that much effort. 

15. How did you come up with their name(s)?
We were altogether disagreeable on names except for Claire's.  Seth was a compromise between Heath (his) and Alex (mine).  Seth sounded soft and cultured yet masculine and potentially quarterback-ish.  We both loved Claire.  Sarah Grace was an answer to a prayer - poor little dear weighed 2.5 lbs. when she was born... Sarah was my mother and she died right before I found I was pregnant.  Grace was simply God's gift. 

16. When your child gets in trouble, who is the bad guy?
I am the bad, bad guy.

17. And who is the good guy?
Daddy.  Pfft.

18. What is the longest you have been away from your children?
Went to Charleston, SC in 2005 for 3 days.  Went to Berkeley Springs, WV in 2006 for 3 days.  Hey...6 days total.  Not counting the NICU stay for the twins when they were born - that was 6 weeks.

19. Bedtime routine?
teeth brushing, a book, prayers all the way around & turning on the music.  Daddy sings a crazy amount of songs that I just can't deal with because MY GOSH, I'm done, aren't I??

20. Are your toes painted?
But, of course.

21. Last movie you saw in the theatre?
Um.  Um.  Curious George?  Nacho Libre?  WAIT!  Devil Wears Prada?

22. Last time you had a date?
A couple weeks ago we snuck out to Chinese food by ourselves.

23. One thing you will not give up just because you’re a mom?

Painting my toenails?  Sex?  Beer? 

24. One thing you did give up now that you’re a mom?
Career

25. Best mom perk?
Track pants?

26. Snack you sneak bites from your child?
Yeah...all of them. 

27. When the kid is napping, you are?
As if they napped in the past 3 years.

28. Where is your child now?
Asleep.

29. Favorite place to buy maternity clothes?
Target.  And Motherhood.

30. If I could do it over, I’d do this differently:
Milk pregnancy and it's aftermath for all that it's worth, claiming pain and ineptitude at every turn.   SERIOUSLY.

31. What is the craziest thing you have said/done/taught since becoming a mom?
It varies by the day.  I'm pretty crazy.  Santa has a hidden camera in the ceiling fan.  Be good. 

Yeah, we do Halloween.  It's one of those things as a Christian parent, you have to make a decision about and in our infinite undecidedness, we kinda figured that we'd just go ahead and run with it because Halloween is SO MUCH FUN.  I have a lot of Christian friends who vary on the issue - some don't allow any celebration, some do the "Harvest Fest" at church, some allow it, but despair any gory costuming.  I really do have reasons beyond it being SO MUCH FUN - I have a sincere fear that one day my kids will look back on thier childhood and think that if they were deprived of trick or treat and Satan Claus, surely we were lunatic-fringe Jesus Freaks and the real answer is in worshipping owl statues in the California woods.  Quiet over there, Dugg.  I respect the parents who make it work and whose children comprehend that they are not like all the other heathens out there begging candy from one door to the next.  I'm just not that gal and would probably spend Halloween night moping about and they'd have me way figured out.  The howling and gnashing of teeth would be mine, because I've mentioned it's SO MUCH FUN, right?

For a few years, the "no gore" costume trick was okay.  The boy was pretty enthralled with Super Heroes and the girls were little and had no say in being twin ladybugs, cowgirls and flowers.  Last year, they got all cocky and went with differing Disney Princesses, woe to me.  The Princess options came up again in early talks but was quickly shut down by the boy, who at almost eight, has taken charge of the Halloween command.  YOU HAVE TO BE SCARY.  No amount of, "Really, you can be anything!  Sleeping Beauty, even.  In her thirty dollar gown, *gulp*"  was having any effect on the word of the boy - see, he is big brother and apparently the man when it comes to decisions such as these. 

Cue the Skeleton Bride.  When she saw the terrible, terrible costume in it's black and white netted, gauzy glory, her little eyes lit up like heathen beacons.  "MOM.  This is it.  I'm a Keleton Bride."   

"Did you see the fairies?  The Southern Belles?"

"KELETON BRIDE.  Mom, look at her makeup!  And her black roses!  I am the Keleton Bride."

And so there was no compromise really.  I was run over, roughshod.  The other twin chose a Bat Fairy that's kinda cute and not directly threatening to the souls of the other kids at the Presbyterian Pre-School.  I don't think.   

We're gonna have SO MUCH FUN.

The preface to this conversation, lest you think we are a family of cannibals... I have twin four year old girls who have a level of curiosity that knows NO bounds.  They want to know what that pimple is on my forehead (grr), why my dad's front tooth is kinda brown and goodness knows they want to know what's on the stove.  And see it.  Mama, we MUST SEE IT.  Sometimes navigating the cooking of the meal with two waist high munchkins is a bit challenging.  When they enter dangerous territory around the open oven or are under my elbows when I'm trying to drain pasta, the joke is (and yes they *know* it is a joke - no hate mail, please) "I'm gonna put you in the pot and cook you next" and they tear off, yelping "Noooo! Don't cook meeeee!" and collapse into piles of laughter, safely in the other room. 

So today, we're sitting on the couch... just the girls and me - it's nowhere near dinner time so who knows what inspired the thought.  Grace looks at me and says in a very serious tone, "I think you should cook Seth." 

 I kinda overswallow my Diet Coke and look at her and say, "Why would I want to cook Seth?" 

 She ponders for a moment and says, "Cuz him mean."  (He's their big brother - it's his job)

I say, "Well, what about when Claire's mean?  Do you want to cook her too?" 

She looks slyly at her twin and says, "Cook Claire next!" which inspires some whining and much giggling.

 Then I say, "Well, what about when YOU'RE mean??"

She gets her little imp grin and says, "Don't cook me.  I'm too chewy." 

And I ask you parents, who could remain composed in the face of a child who contemplates the texture of herself for the purpose of becoming dinner?